If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
