got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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