I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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