my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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