It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
