I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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