I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
