I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
