It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
