it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize