I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
