This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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