i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
