I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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