Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
