We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
