so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
