haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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