How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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