Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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