Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
