Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
