can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Someone signed my nipple.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
