dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
