You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
