Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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