strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
