forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
