Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
