ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
