We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
