I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
