just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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