if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
