If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
