the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize