Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
