I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize