Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
