fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
