just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
