I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize