They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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