love makes seman taste better
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
