You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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