Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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