being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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