I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
