Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
