New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
