i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I intend to get homeless drunk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
