hotel room ftw
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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