Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why do cheetos always look like penises
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
