Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize