Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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