Old men and throwing up are my life now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
