Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
do herpes really smell.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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