Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
