I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
