operation have a gay friend backfired
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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